I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
