Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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