I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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