I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize