kristin has been a bad kristin
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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