I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
