Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Found the puke drawer
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
