Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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