So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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