There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
