You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize