he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
