Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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