STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
