I got chris browned last night
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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