I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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