i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
