chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize