Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
