She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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