It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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