I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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