So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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