i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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