Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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