he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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