My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
