You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
