i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She has the best kind of daddy issues
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
