his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
