goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
