escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
