I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My penis needs a shock collar
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
