So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
