i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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