Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
