I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
