From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
