i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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