just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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