I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
