New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
