You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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