i jhust puked up my retainher.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
