i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
