Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
