I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
