Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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