I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Randomize
