That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
