All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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