Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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