Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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