Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
