I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
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