I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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