Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't think brook has ever known best
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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