He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
