i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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