Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
