WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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