I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
