dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
