you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
