a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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