Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize