On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
