is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
