I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
