Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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