You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
