Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
