ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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