you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
