There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He felt like a one man threesome
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize