A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
