just come out here and I will go home with you...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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