Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
