I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
