did you get engaged???
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
