My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I feel like abortions should bother me more
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
