I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
