I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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