she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
