peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
