a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
