I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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