This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
