Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
