Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
