I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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