so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
