woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize