hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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