It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
What changed your mind?
Being sober
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
