oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
