My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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