Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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