I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
