"it" just moved
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
