Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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