he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
