I hate all girls vehemently.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
