Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
