I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize