I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
