apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
