"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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