His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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