between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
