Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
