Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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